Every single day is a battle.
I have to fight for joy.
I have to fight to choose my teammates.
I have to fight to be present and not get caught up in the future.
I have to fight for my relationships at home.
I have to fight to constantly put others before myself.
I have to fight off feelings of pride.
I have to fight to have open eyes, open ears and an open heart.
I have to fight to continue to surrender every single moment.
I have to fight for my relationship with God and putting Him above all else.
I have to fight for His Kingdom and bringing it wherever I go.
This is THE battle & it’s the battle that I am finally willing to wholeheartedly surrender to and fight. It’s a battle that I am leaping into as God has completely set me free from my chains and made me new.
A couple of weeks ago, God brought up the idea of baptism again. When I was at training camp this summer, racers had the opportunity to be baptized on the last night. I remember wanting to do it so badly. I wanted to proclaim that I am His & that my entire life is His. But, He told me to wait. He said not yet. You’re not ready yet (see my blog “Learning to Surrender”).
I was listening to a sermon the other day about how frustrating it can be when God makes you wait. The pastor posed this question: What do you do when you’re waiting on your miracle and God makes you watch someone else get theirs first?
I don’t know about you, but when God tells you to wait because you’re not ready yet, it is HARD. I had to patiently sit and watch (or at least try to) as other racers took that step and were baptized. I’ll be honest. It’s incredibly hard to watch people walking in the things that you want to be walking in or doing the things that you want to do. It’s really easy to let feelings of envy creep in.
So hearing that question reallyyyy got me. I am now realizing that as I sat there on that hot and sticky night in July in the middle of Gainesville, GA, God was trying to teach me something. It’s exactly as the pastor continued on to say. God does it to show us that if He is faithful to do it for another brother or sister, He is faithful to do it for us too. So we shouldn’t be envious or jealous. We should just be patient and trust that it is in His good timing that things happen. He rarely does the miracle in the same way as the people that we have watched before us, but He ALWAYS follows through.
So I went back home feeling slightly defeated because God said “not yet.” But here I am now. It’s the beginning of month 3 and I WAS BAPTIZED TONIGHT!
GOD IS FOLLOWING THROUGH. HE IS SO FAITHFUL.
God brought up baptism again a couple of weeks ago as I was sitting just looking around at everything He has surrounded me with and where He was brought me to. I had honestly kind of forgotten about the idea of baptism in my time at home and since launching on the Race. So I was surprised that He not only brought the idea up again, but actually told me that I was READY. I couldn’t believe that He was telling me the time was here because for some reason, I felt less ready than when I wanted to be baptized at training camp. But, I talked to my amazing team leader, Rachel and she flipped to the back of her Bible. She found the words baptism, baptize, baptized & baptizing. I started reading and studying all of this scripture on baptism. God taught me so much in reading it and revealed to me what it is symbolic of. Here is just a little of what I learned. When you are baptized, you are…
Baptized in the Holy Spirit!
I (John) baptize you with water, but he (Jesus) will baptize you with the Holy Spirit. (Mark 1:8)
He (Jesus) will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire. (Luke 3:16)
This means that I am acknowledging that the Spirit lives inside of me (see my blog post titled “Moral Compass or Holy Spirit?” for lots more on that!).
Connected to the body.
One Lord, one faith, one baptism. (Ephesians 4:5)
For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body – whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free – and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. (1 Corinthians 12:13)
I get to be one with the body of believers since I am baptized in His Spirit and the Spirit lives inside of each of us if we choose to receive that gift!
Accepting God’s purpose for your life and acknowledging that God’s way is right.
All the people, even the tax collectors, when they heard Jesus’s words, acknowledged that God’s way was right, because they had been baptized by John. But the Pharisees and the experts in the law rejected God’s purpose for themselves, because they had not been baptized by John. (Luke 7:29-30)
I’m stepping into living a life that aligns with His purpose and calling for me. He has shown me that His way is always right and so much better, even though as a human I often don’t want to choose it.
Getting to live a new and full life, alive in Christ!
All of us who were baptized into Christ were therefore buried with Him through the baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. (Romans 6:3)
When you were dead in your sins, God made you alive with Christ. (Colossians 2:13)
God has been giving me a fuller view of how I perceive the world, Who He is and who He says I am. Since the way I look at the world has been completely transformed, my life is being made new.
Set free.
Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off – for all whom the Lord our God will call. (Acts 2:38)
And now what are you waiting for? Get up, be baptized and wash your sins aways, calling on His name. (Acts 22:16)
My sins are completely washed away. I am set free from shame and pain. I am set free from the past. I get to look only to the present and future.
In reading all of these things, I was reminded of what it means to surrender all. I love the last verse where it asks, “What are you waiting for?” God asked me what I was waiting for and I realized that I felt like I wasn’t ready because I felt like there was so much to confront from the past before completely surrendering. He told me to trust Him and sign up to be baptized anyway (at ICF, the church we have been going to).
Since signing up, God has faithfully walked me through the waiting period. He has shown me that everything in life and faith is a process. Being baptized has actually been a process. Yes tonight marks the night when I was physically baptized, but God has actually been doing all the work and transformation in my heart before today. I’ve had to have some reallyyyyy hard conversations and face things of the past that I have struggled with and am not proud of. I’ve had to ask for forgiveness and apologize to God, to my parents and to my teammates. I’ve had to learn how to forgive myself and let things go and then take every thought captive and give it back to God when the past wants to try to creep back in.
It requires so much patience in the waiting period. I love what one of my closest friends said to me recently. She said, “sometimes the waiting period is the most beautiful.” And I couldn’t agree more. While the process of being baptized and facing my sins head on has been really ugly (there have been more than just a few tears shed), it has also been so incredibly beautiful.
I have been set free. I actually physically feel like I can deeply breath again now that I have laid it all at the feet of Jesus and trusted that His blood covers all of my sins.
I’m looking up to God at the horizon now. I am no longer looking down at my fears or shame that has been grasping my ankles, chaining me down. I am no longer looking down at what I have to loose – I’m only looking up at what I have to gain (spoiler alert! It’s EVERYTHING).
So, I am finally taking the leap of faith. I’m looking up at His Kingdom on the Horizon and it is beautiful (see my blog “Learning to Surrender”)!!!
Tonight marks the night when I was physically baptized. But, God has actually been walking me through being baptized these last few weeks. He Has taken me to places I’ve never been and humbled me like never before in order to set me free of my chains and to make me a new creation.
Tonight marks the night that I am publicly proclaiming that I belong to the King of the Universe and that my life belongs to Him. I don’t want to live it for me. There’s no fulfillment in that. I know because I’ve been there. That was what I experienced the entire season leading up to the Race. I have just now chosen to completely step out of that. There’s so much MORE that comes in giving my life to Him.
I love the song “For the Sake of the World” by Bethel Music for these lyrics:
I’m laying down my life
I’m giving up control
I’m never looking back
I surrender all
I’m living for Your glory on the earth
Tonight gave me a glimpse of what the Kingdom in Heaven looks like. It looks like people of all cultures and walks of life saying “Welcome home.” And even though I was baptized in a church in the middle of nowhere in Siem Reap, Cambodia surrounded by people that I haven’t know for very long, I felt like I had just arrived home. Home is the Kingdom with people’s arms wrapped around you and people cheering you on. There is no other feeling like being welcomed home.
I’m going to battle, but I’m not going alone. Not only is my faithful God always with me, but He has also given me an army in the body. So when it gets hard, I will take comfort in knowing that the battle is already won. It is finished.
-Elena
