Learning to Surrender

I was so excited to go to World Race Training Camp. I had so many expectations of how it would look, things I would learn & experience, and how God would show up. I thought that it would just be a time to get to connect with my squadmates. I thought that it would simply be a time in which I learned about how to minister to people and to share the love of Jesus. That God would show up in big ways, but only in the ways that I predicted or the ways that I wanted Him to. Gosh did He wreck my expectations, and honestly He also wrecked my life, but He did it in the best ways and is helping me to put it all back together. 

I am a person that always likes to know what is going on. I like to be in control and even in situations where I need to “go with the flow,” I am pretty good at finding someway or something to cling onto so I don’t feel like I’ve lost complete control. I think that this is a pretty natural thing that we do as humans. However, TC revealed to me that the way I like to maintain control is by trying to predict how situations will play out. And I actually happen to be pretty good at this too, after almost 18 years of practice. 

So looking back and reflecting now, the biggest thing God taught me in my time at TC and in this season of life, is that I need to learn to surrender to Him. Surrender my expectations. Surrender my own desires for how I want things to look. Surrender my life COMPLETELY. You see, it’s not just good enough for me to surrender to Him when it’s convenient or easy. It is powerless when I choose to believe that I can only pick and choose pieces of Jesus. He has called me to surrender and while I learned SO MUCH about surrendering fears, shame, doubts, etc. to Him & had so many sweet moments of just being able to lay my burdens at His feet, I am still very much a work in progress. 

Interestingly, God spoke this word of surrender to me before I even made it to the Adventures in Missions Campus. As I traveled from Denver to Atlanta, the word just popped into my mind and stuck. From there, I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I heard this word in those ten days of training. From hearing it in sessions, to scripture to conversations I had with my squadmates, the word surrender just kept coming up. 

One of the first things I wrote in my journal from the first day of training was that God was already showing up in big ways… & in ways that I hadn’t expected at all. So I wrote out a prayer that said, “My expectations need to be crushed. I’m finding that expectations are hindering to growth. They create barriers and are NOT something of You. You work in ways so magnificent from what we as humans could ever predict. Help me to surrender my expectations.” I prayed that He would help me to understand exactly what this word means for me in my life. And he did!

So I learned that God doesn’t just ask us to simply give up something, He asks us to sign up for something. He asks us to sign up for a life with Him. 

I learned that when we surrender expectation for how we want to encounter Him, He speaks! This is often because we are more open and perceptive to the ways He is trying to talk with us. God talks to His children in SO many ways!

I learned that when I surrender my fear of judgement, I am so much happier and don’t feel so confined by the ways of the world. I am free. We got the opportunity to worship in a space where we got to sing loudly, dance, raise our hands up, pray aloud and so much more. Surrendering my fear of being judged allowed me to connect to God and He showed up in so many cool ways, especially during those times of worship. 

I learned about surrendering my pain & shame. Wow did He set me free from my worldly identity. Things and words that I thought defined me were crushed and I was reminded that my identity is in Him, as a daughter of the King of kings.

I am still learning about surrendering it all – especially my fears. During worship one night, one of the trainers and World Race alumni told us about this awesome memory she has from her Race. She was going bungee jumping and was standing with her toes over the very edge of the bridge. It’s easy to look down and see how far it is to fall, but the guides told her simply to just look up at the horizon. I loved this image and God continually used it to remind me of what it looks like to surrender and trust Him. I could picture myself standing on the edge of the bridge, just like she was and I am about to take that leap of faith. Only instead of looking up at the horizon, I am looking down at my toes peeking over the edge. I am looking down at all my fears. But Jesus came and He is standing beside me and he keeps saying “Elena, look up, look at the horizon.” God showed up in so many ways at TC and just proved His faithfulness and worthiness of surrendering my life. So every time I think back to this picture, my gaze is cast a little bit higher, turning to look up at the beauty that is the Kingdom. 

So God told me that I need to surrender. That was probably THE biggest takeaway from camp & is also the biggest thing that I am working on with Him right now. It was hard for me to understand at first why exactly He placed that word on my heart and what exactly surrender looks like. But God is good and faithful and He is patiently walking me through this process. 

On the last night of training camp, Racers have the opportunity to be baptized to commit or recommit their lives to the Lord. I really wanted to be baptized again and be able to come home saying that I am beginning a new life completely rooted in Him. I told my trainer the night before that I thought I wanted to be baptized again, but that I felt some hesitation for some reason. I talked to my squad leader, Taylor about my hesitation, and she wisely said, ask God about it! So I did, and I felt Him telling me to wait. Honestly, I was kind of frustrated by the response I got from Him. But, it was later that night, after we had finished the baptisms, that things began to make more sense. Seth Barnes (founder of Adventures) was commissioning us during worship and he asked a young man why he had chosen to be baptized. The young man responded that he wanted to surrender his life to God. So Seth asked the room, “What does it mean to surrender?” The room was quiet as he explained that surrender means dying to your old self & picking up your cross. And it all began to make more sense to me. I knew God had told me to wait, because I know and He knows that there is still work to be done here. I am still in the process of letting go of my old self and picking up my cross. These last few days at home have proved to be hard in that sense. But they have also been so beautiful and fruitful and it’s a glimpse of the beautiful horizon that is His Kingdom. 

Please pray for strength and boldness, in this time between TC and launch, as I am learning to completely surrender. The Father is so faithful & patient & good. He’s calling me to take the leap of faith, and when I finally surrender every last fear -once and for all- you better believe that my eyes will be wide open, taking in all that there is to see on the horizon & in His Kingdom!

-Elena

I’ll be posting another blog soon, talking about all that we actually did in our ten days at Training Camp, so be on the lookout!