Moral Compass or Holy Spirit?

Each week, Racers get to do something called Journey Markers. Journey Markers is a time for us to sit down as a team and to process where we’re at. We do this all throughout the Race and it’s a super cool way to see how we’ve grown throughout these nine months. Our answers to the questions we get each week actually go to our leadership team (squad leaders, mentor and coaches) who are both on and off of the field. It helps them to know where we are at spiritually and how they can best support and pray for us.

Journey Markers this week included three questions – all about the Holy Spirit. 

This is the question that struck me the most: “Where have you seen the power of the Holy Spirit in your past?” 

I immediately thought about the moments that a lot of Christians like to call, “Big God moments.” Really, they are just the times when God has come into my life like a bowling ball to get His message across, because I was too stubborn or oblivious to notice what He actually had been trying to say to me. A lot of these moments happened when it came to deciding whether to go on the Race or not. When I have experienced these “big God moments” in the past, God has actually spoken through me. What I mean by this is that when God really wants to hammer home a point, He actually talks through me so I can hear my own audible voice. I know it isn’t me talking because a lot of the time what comes out of my mouth is either A. not what I wanted to hear B. something that completely takes me by surprise or C. just sounds too good and makes too much sense for it to be me talking. When He wants me to know about something, and I just am not hearing the message any other way, He uses my voice so that I can clearly hear Him. 

But then I started thinking, “okay these are the moments that are really easy to recall and write about, but where have I actually seen the power of the Holy Spirit in my life?” 

And then this question popped into my mind: Moral Compass OR Holy Spirit? 

I think that a lot of my friends and family would say that I have a strong moral compass. To be honest, I probably would’ve said that about myself too had this question not come up. I would have said that my moral compass has guided me for a lot of my life, and that is has been so strong because of Jesus and because the Bible clearly states right from wrong in the Ten Commandments. But, as I was thinking about the Holy Spirit and the fact that He actually lives inside of us, I realized that the Spirit actually has been present with me throughout my whole life – and in so many more ways than I ever even thought. 

So here is why I am now team Holy Spirit and not Moral Compass and how I see this taking shape in my life. 

Since being on the Race, the Lord has shown me that I am actually a very broken human. He is showing me a lot of ugly things in my heart that I had no idea were part of me. One of the things he revealed was that I have walked in pride for much of my life and I’m pretty good at holding the appearance of being humble, but my mindset was never really one of humility. And because I asked Him to change and reshape me, He has been showing me how often I actually seek appreciation or acclaim for good things that I do. However, because I am human, I am actually not good at all. 

The other day I was reading in Ephesians, chapters 4 and 5, talking about how we are called to live when we live under the title of being a “Christian” (didn’t know the Bible had a section explicitly labeled “Instructions for Christian Living,” but there it was) and I was reading about what Paul tells the people in Ephesus. He basically calls them out and tells them where they are falling short of living this fuller life that God is calling them to. He says things like “do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” and “do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths.” He gives reasons for it all too, but continues on for awhile about what living a life chasing after Him should actually look like. As I sat and read through all the things Paul was calling these people out on, I was overwhelmed by how much of the stuff I began writing down that I had walked in in the past, or was currently walking in. Paul doesn’t just leave them there though, He actually says to them in Ephesians 5:8, For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. 

So since I am human, I am actually very broken. I mess up all the time, even when I think that what I’m doing is perfectly okay. Example A. the prideful way I carried myself (disclaimer: I’m in the process of learning what this actually looks like in my life and how to have a humble heart. I am in no way completely “rid of pride” and this is something I have to battle multiple times a day. I use past tense for carried because God is powerful and can redeem anything and everything. I know that He will give me a heart that is so very humble, so past tense signifies that I already know that He can, is and will do it). The Lord is also showing me a multitude of other things that I constantly fall short in which has been really hard. Realizing just how ugly your heart can be is no party, let me tell ya. BUT, I am so very grateful for the way that He is revealing Himself to me and that He calls me to be a light in Him. He has been teaching me that all good things actually come from Him. Every good thought, action, word or idea doesn’t come from me. As a human, my thinking can’t be good because I’m imperfect. But, the Father’s is, because He is good and He is perfect. 

Having a moral compass would imply that I am listening to the good within me. It implies that I am at least somewhat good if I were to listen to that “good” inside of me. 

Here is what the Lord has ultimately shown me and what I know to be true and believe: I’m broken. Being human means that I mess up all the time. Literally all the time – sometimes inadvertently. But, the Spirit lives inside of us if we choose to let Him in and He is good. Each time I do or say a good thing, it isn’t of me. How could it possibly be? It is of the Perfect King. 

So where have I seen the power of the Holy Spirit? 

Every single day of my life, in the moments when the Holy Spirit is the one who prompts me to make decisions that don’t bring about harm or brokenness, but actually bring about life. No moral compass that comes from me could ever do that. And honestly that’s a really good thing, because it means that I get to be humbled by the work that the Spirit does through me. I actually don’t do it at all. I’m just the messenger & the servant. And I’m so grateful that the Father chooses me to be just that. 

-Elena