New reason for Thanksgiving

Over the last week, I have been wrestling with a lot of things. 

My heart has been so heavy. I felt like every time I would get on the phone, I would learn about more pain and more suffering. There is inexplicable pain and suffering in the lives of people in my surrounding community. It all just felt like too much and so I started to question the goodness and faithfulness of my Father because I couldn’t see past the pain. 

As we started worship on Wednesday night this week, I just laid on the roof and looked up at the stars as tears came streaming down my face. I couldn’t even sing & my heart most certainly could not worship. I cried because I just couldn’t understand why all of these things that cause such immense pain were taking place. I cried because I felt like I should be thankful. I just laid there as God revealed to me that I couldn’t sing and I couldn’t worship because I felt so angry. I was angry at Him. I just couldn’t understand why all of these things were happening. Who would want suffering for their children?

I wanted Him to do more. I wanted Him to heal the sick. Raise the dead. Cleanse those who have leprosy. Drive out demons. I was so angry that all these people I loved were suffering so much and I felt like God wasn’t there at all because I couldn’t see any good in those situations. I wanted Him to change their situations to what I wanted them to be; to be good in the ways that I deemed good. This build up of feelings culminated in a week of asking God the hard questions, letting myself feel all the really hard feelings and crying lots of tears. And this all just so happened to be during the same week of thanksgiving. 

Wow does He orchestrate everything so perfectly. 

So in the midst of all of these questions, God reminded me of what the words good, faithful and thankful mean and how they should take shape in my life. 

He asked me to reconsider how I view the word faithful. I hear the saying “good & faithful” all the time which isn’t a bad thing. But God revealed that I actually associate the two words in somewhat of an unhealthy manner. The definitions of faithful are these: firm in the adherence to promises and steadfast in allegiance or loyal. I know that He is faithful in His promises to us, just by the way He has fulfilled promises to me. And I know that He ALWAYS remains loyal and by our side. Yes He promises us that He is good, but He also tells us there will be pain and suffering. In hearing the saying “good & faithful” He showed me that I associated the two words in a way in which I thought that faithfulness meant a life that was good in the way that I had come to define good. 

He asked me to reconsider how I define the word good. Did I define it by His standards or my own? He showed me that I actually had started to define the word good by thinking about it’s counterpart. If something was bad, it was most certainly not good. If something was good, it was most certainly not bad. Makes sense, right? They’re antonyms. Opposites. But, God reminded me that the word good actually has many other definitions. Bountiful. Can be relied on. Wholesome. Full. True. Honorable. Satisfactory. Right. Benevolent. The list goes on. In showing me these definitions, He reminded me that He is good. He is ALL of these qualities. 

He showed me where I had let my mind conform to the definitions the world gives to these words. This week He has shown me more of how He defines them and how He wants to be defined by them. 

But here’s the kicker. He asked me to consider the word thankful – on the week of Thanksgiving. It kind of felt like when someone tells you to do or be something that you think you already do or are. I don’t know about you, but hearing someone say to be more patient when you already think you’re patient, is extremely hard to hear and is honestly somewhat aggravating. I felt God telling me to be more thankful and to not only consider the meaning of the word, but also how thankfulness takes shape in my life. It really wasn’t that fun to hear, especially during a week all about giving thanks. I thought that I walked in a lot of thankfulness already, but He showed me where I still often fall short. The word thanks has two definitions: kindly or grateful thoughts and an expression of gratitude. Thankful means being full of thanks. It means being full of grateful thoughts and expressions of gratitude. And full means containing AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. 

So what about all of this suffering and pain and hardship that I’ve witnessed? God doesn’t want to see His children suffer, right? Rend Collective’s devotional on Thanksgiving states it so beautifully. 

“We don’t think He does want us to suffer, but perhaps sometimes he desires to be our joy. What the world meant for evil, God can redeem for good, and it always starts with being thankful.” 

And as the devotional quotes Ann Voskamp, “…life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change.”

This week the Father reminded me that His character is still good, even when I can’t see it. I was angry because I had strayed from believing He was good because I wasn’t seeing goodness in the way that I was asking for. Thankfulness is the means to learning more about the Father’s goodness and faithfulness. It is the lens to be able to find the beauty, purpose, hope, comfort and J O Y in the suffering and also in our Savior. So I will hold tight to remaining thankful every moment of every day. I will hold tight to my Father’s goodness and faithfulness because nothing or nobody else here on this Earth could ever be as steadfast, peace-giving or hope-filling. I know that.

1 Thesalonians 5:18 says, “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ.” 

I finally feel like I understand the weight of these words. So I will give thanks even when it is so hard because in giving thanks, the Father will reveal His faithfulness and goodness which I need if I am to live out my life in a world that is broken and filled with pain. 

-Elena